Hi everyone, today’s post is actually a rant…I was gonna blog about something else but an incident happened this morning that really upset me and I just wanna rant..so I’ve archived the initial post for another day…maybe tomorrow or the day after. As I type this, my anger has subsided and I’m in a mellow state of mind but it’s a rant nonetheless.
What happened this morning: While commenting on a post in one of the social media, someone called me ‘hopeful’ in referring to my relationship status. He gave other options of single, married, widowed, single mom, etc…then specifically called me ‘hopeful’. My analytical side kicked in instantly, analyzed the statement then typed up a scathing response, which I eventually toned down on a second read. To my mind he feels I don't fall into the category of SINGLE obviously because I have a bad leg, so he created a new category for me called hopeful. I found it very rude, offensive and condescending...I don't care if he was joking (as they usually claim when they act thoughtlessly) that was a totally tactless and tasteless 'joke'.
I have been mulling over this...did I over react?? hell no! I am certain I did not, as a matter of fact I think I under-reacted. All my life I grew up feeling like I’m not good enough just because I had a weak leg and walk with a limp, I’ve been taunted and abused physically, sexually, emotionally and mentally from childhood because I had a bad leg..as I entered into the dating scene, I was always plagued with fears of not knowing if a guy loved me truly or wanted me just for my butt or my brains, or even to get money from me (not that am rich o) I’ve been through a lifetime of not knowing if I was loved as much as I was loving and giving. I’ve had guys make me feel like they’re doing me a favor being with me and girls actually telling me to my face (during a normal cat-fight) that they can leave their man with me and sleep easy because I’m not a threat since their man wouldn’t touch a ‘cripple’ even in their dreams…Oh! how tempted I was to prove them wrong but thank God mom raised me not to be vindictive. Many times I cried at night because I couldn’t understand how a guy would say to me, ‘I love you’ then turn around and go dating my friend right before my eyes. I have been in situations where I felt like I had to give sex and/or money that I didn’t have, just to make a guy stay with me and love me, needless to say I know better now. I don't need anybody to tell me who/what I am..I know that already...and I don't allow anyone or situation define me either...but those were hard times for me before I built self esteem and confidence and memories like those don't go away so easily...
All these could very easily have happened to any girl but the experience was made worse for me because of my ‘disability’. I had a tendency of attributing my love mishaps to it and it nearly turned me into a cynic, never believing in true love, it also made me stay away from guys who even had noble intentions…this has obviously played a huge role in my being single because I just haven’t met someone whose motives I’m 100% sure of and because I am looking for unconditional love.
Like every NORMAL human being, I get lonely a lot but I am not desperate enough to enter into a relationship where I am the only one struggling to make it work because some guy thinks he’s doing me a favor by dating or offering me marriage. So maybe in a sense I am hopeful, but that is merely a state of mind, i'm hopeful I'll find a good, loving, faithful man, hopeful he'll love me the way I wanna be loved, hopeful God will bless us with long life and a great marriage, hopeful for many things...but my relationship status is SINGLE, not hopeful.
I see this a lot, people saying insensitive stuff to their fellow humans without a thought for their feelings. People have committed suicide because of harsh words or taunts from people around them. I believe this guy owes me an apology, but true to form, he didn't and probably never will...
I started this blog to educate people about disability. I will use any means necessary to send this message including sharing my innermost thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. Like Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks (yea, I’m hoping to attain icon status soon so don’t hate, lol) I may not live long enough to see the CHANGE in societal attitudes that I deeply desire but if this blog will make someone somewhere realize how powerful spoken/unspoken words are, how sensitive some circumstances are and how badly treated people with disabilities are, if I can make someone somewhere think twice before saying/doing hurtful stuff to anyone.. disabled or not..then I will keep writing and keep blogging and I urge you to keep reading…
As Dr Phil would say...Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you....
I leave you with this amazing song from an amazing icon of disability, Mr Pendergrass…I call him Teddy...I particularly chose the video where he’s in his wheelchair…enjoy..
